When I got saved everything was about me. I asked God to help me with everything. He did just that but in his timing. I had to go through some things to appreciate the breakthrough. It wasn't easy but I had overcome storm after storm with God's assistance. With God showing Himself in my life as much as He did, I had become selfish. Although it was innocent, it was not God's reason for saving my soul. It was displeasing to God, and He had to show me why He called me to His attention.
I have always loved witnessing to others, feeling God's anointing and seeing his hand in both mine and others life. However, for the life of me, I could not stand when people challenged the word. It made every uncomfortable spirit rise up in me, and brought about a war within. Fighting the feeling, I would walk away disappointed that the word of the Lord did not get across as planned. As I took the issue to God, He'd just confirm that the word He spoke in me was correct. Therefore, I'd fix my mind to believe those who did not hear was against me; or they just did not want to hear what thus saith the Lord.
God allowed me to consistently go through that for as long as I did not recognize my error. I did not get it until one day I was witnessing to someone who desired to hear the word of God but was confused at the scriptures meaning, so it was a constant back and forth. Unfortunately, I got tired of trying to explain and respectfully told the person I had nothing further to say about it, and would like to allow God to reveal the understanding to them. After I got off the phone, I realized I was not mad, but a bit irritated. It was because I had no further information to "WIN" the conversation and win the soul.
Returning to God in prayer regarding the situation, He brought to my attention that I was bought with a price and I am not my own. God gave himself as ransom to save my soul, I took no part in that process. Therefore, when I accepted Christ as my personal savior, he had become the guide in everything I do. Anything done in His name was about Him, not about "ME." In realizing that, it saddened me that I was trying to get the glory for what only God could do. It changed my attitude toward witnessing, and God was able to open my understanding to a deeper knowledge of his word. When I was challenged or when someone did not get his word, it was easy for me to say, I will take some time to study a bit more and come back with more information, and/or pray for those souls that I encountered that did not get it.
I was finally relieved from the enemies embrace of selfish thinking and glorifying self. From that day forward, I programmed my heart and mind to always give God the glory for all things. God is glorified in witnessing not I. Anything that I do, in Jesus name, glorifies God and Him alone!
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