Every night I'd make plans to change my perspective on life. There were so many negative things that I could not consider thinking positive. Pessimism was forcing anger to live within. It was growing so much so that I couldn't be around anyone. Every time I did, someone got hurt verbally or physically. Although it was a bit soothing to my ego, I wanted to change it. After the adrenaline of anger came down, I felt bad for the people I hurt. Life had to be better than THAT.
One day I proposed to walk away from the anger that was awakened, but I was gut punched in the worse way. Surprisingly, it was someone I knew; someone I thought would never rub me the wrong way. I sat teary-eyed desiring to lash out with a high volume of heat. I clenched my fist and grit my teeth while the tears flowed speedily down my cheeks. My eyes burned as if someone THREW something in them. Starring at the person with a frown and much anger, I rose to my feet with the intent to punch their lights out. Moving quickly toward them, they backed up with their hands up apologizing. I lunged at the person, grabbed both their arms and hugged them. Astonished at what was happening, the person embraced me back and WE both wailed holding each other.
That day, I felt something shift inside of me. A weight that held me down for years was finally lifted. I had read many scriptures about anger and how to refrain from it, but my mind, body, and heart did not line up with what they were saying. To hit or speak negativity into someone else was easier and felt better than saying something positive or nice. They had gotten what they deserved and they would never think about doing anything else to me. Little did I know, some people were feeling worst than I, which was the reason for their lashing out at me. Some people desired to be hit or yelled at, as they were immune to it and so was I.
God's plan was never for me to harm anyone with my anger, but to give those emotions to him. He desired that I allow him to comfort me so as to comfort another. My plan was to make people hurt as I was hurting; I didn't care about how they were feeling or what they were going through. I felt they should have thought about that before they brought the drama. God reminded me of how we add to the problems rather than solve them. We give in to the enemies devices because he forces us to believe it is right. He raises up in another so that the enemy within us can be raised and we hurt each other, sometimes to the death.
If we could just allow the word of God to infiltrate our mind body and soul, then we will see His hand work in our lives as well as others. He will use our bodies to sow good seed into another so that we all may live. TAKE HEED TO THE PLAN OF GOD! DON'T IGNORE WHAT HE HAS POURED INSIDE! DENOUNCE YOUR PLAN AND ACCEPT GOD'S PLAN TODAY AND LIVE!
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