IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!

When I got saved everything was about me. I asked God to help me with everything. He did just that but in his timing. I had to go through some things to appreciate the breakthrough. It wasn't easy but I had overcome storm after storm with God's assistance. With God showing Himself in my life as much as He did, I had become selfish. Although it was innocent, it was not God's reason for saving my soul. It was displeasing to God, and He had to show me why He called me to His attention.

I have always loved witnessing to others, feeling God's anointing and seeing his hand in both mine and others life. However, for the life of me, I could not stand when people challenged the word. It made every uncomfortable spirit rise up in me, and brought about a war within. Fighting the feeling, I would walk away disappointed that the word of the Lord did not get across as planned. As I took the issue to God, He'd just confirm that the word He spoke in me was correct. Therefore, I'd fix my mind to believe those who did not hear was against me; or they just did not want to hear what thus saith the Lord.

God allowed me to consistently go through that for as long as I did not recognize my error. I did not get it until one day I was witnessing to someone who desired to hear the word of God but was confused at the scriptures meaning, so it was a constant back and forth. Unfortunately, I got tired of trying to explain and respectfully told the person I had nothing further to say about it, and would like to allow God to reveal the understanding to them. After I got off the phone, I realized I was not mad, but a bit irritated. It was because I had no further information to "WIN" the conversation and win the soul.

Returning to God in prayer regarding the situation, He brought to my attention that I was bought with a price and I am not my own. God gave himself as ransom to save my soul, I took no part in that process. Therefore, when I accepted Christ as my personal savior, he had become the guide in everything I do. Anything done in His name was about Him, not about "ME." In realizing that, it saddened me that I was trying to get the glory for what only God could do. It changed my attitude toward witnessing, and God was able to open my understanding to a deeper knowledge of his word. When I was challenged or when someone did not get his word, it was easy for me to say, I will take some time to study a bit more and come back with more information, and/or pray for those souls that I encountered that did not get it.

I was finally relieved from the enemies embrace of selfish thinking and glorifying self. From that day forward, I programmed my heart and mind to always give God the glory for all things. God is glorified in witnessing not I. Anything that I do, in Jesus name, glorifies God and Him alone!

WAIT+TRUST+CONFIDENCE+REMAIN-FEAR=GOD'S FRUITFUL LIFE

I had a habit of allowing everything to bring fear in my life except for standing up to a fight. I didn't understand, as the humans I stood up to were bigger and stronger than I. Well that was God showing my warrior spirit, however, it was to be used for his glory. But that's another story.

Fear prevented me from getting ahead in life. I lost jobs or did not get them for fear of exerting the strength, wisdom, and knowledge God gave me.
Fear prevented me of moving forward in ministries God opened doors for me to operate in.
Fear stifled my gifts because I refused to use them, not wanting to face the storms they may bring in my life.
Fear hid me from the light of God in dark places that blinded my view of God's plans for me.
Fear clouded my judgement and my decisions were flawed.
Fear told me I was inadequate and it was best to remain status quo; it was the safest place.

It took several years to learn how to surpass fear and inadequacy. There were lots of praying and wailing before God. I really had to trust and believe that God had my back. That he would protect and deliver me from myself, others negativity, and fear.

When I began to stand on the fact that God was my light and salvation, there was no need to be afraid of anything or anyone. I remained confident in him and started to see and experience his goodness. The fruit in my life became abundant, so much that I was able to share with others in word and with gifts.

I waited on God for as long as I needed too. Trusting in him, believing on him, and holding him to his word. Prove him, and watch his hand in your life. In his timing all things will come to fruition. Wait, I say, wait on the Lord!

IT'S TOO MUCH!

I was tired of trying and tired of being disappointed. I put everything into making things right. I payed attention to everything to make sure the right decisions were made, I had the right attitude, said the right things, and my body language was positive. What more could I do? Why was it taking so long for things to turn around in my favor?

I didn't understand what was happening. For a short while things went well and then the struggles and tug of war would return. I asked God what was happening? I had done all I could do. God said: "and let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9 ESV.

But I had enough of pressing forward and doing good and it appeared nothing was turning around for me. God said: "DO you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increased the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:28-29.

In other words, I had to stop operating in my own strength. I excluded God indirectly trying too hard to make things right in my own timing. I had to relax and lean on God. I prayed every time anxiety and impatience attacked. I waited for the Lord's instructions and when I didn't hear them, I waited longer. I had to regulate my mind to think on the things of God. Phillipians 4:8. With patience I waited. Psalms 27:14. Only by the strength of God's word did I wait with patience. Trusting him caused me to do leaps and bounds in several areas of my life, in his timing. I learned to walk in God's 💪 strength by faith and his power; not my own.

MY CHASTISEMENT versus GOD'S

It's easy to be provoked these days; and easy to justify the actions afterward. However, it is better to remain humble, than to act a plum fool just because the flesh desires it.

Coming from an angry childhood to an angry adulthood, I was always provoked and always retaliated with a vengeance. I forgave after I succumbed to the desire of my flesh. For then I felt as if I had power over whom I considered to be my enemy.

Not understanding that God was not pleased with that type of attitude or behaviour, I continued until the Lord allowed me to suffer greatly for entertaining anger. Anger caused me to lose friends, family and meaningful relationships. I couldn't see past my anger. It was cold, dark and lonely inside and outside of my body. I missed out on the blessings God had stored for me. He allowed me to see what was waiting for me and how I could have prospered.

Becoming even more angry and bitter, I shouted at God, while tears flowed heavily down my face. Why me Lord? They provoked me! I tried to run, but they came after me! The Lord said, "It is not that you get angry, but your actions." "I have spared your life and forgave you. I have been provoked to anger by you and I showed mercy toward you. How then are you better than they?"

I had never heard it that way before. With all the anger, I had shown no mercy. I forgave, but only after I returned the pain. Never did the pleasure of harming them bring any healing to my soul; but it fed my ego and built up my pride.

After eating the words of the Lord, I tried a new thing. It hurt not to unleash anger upon my enemies head, but as I consistently tamed my flesh, through the word of the Lord, my soul waxed happy. Henceforth, the provoking stopped and the enemy of my flesh was defeated. I then received many blessings from the Lord, my life was preserved and I obtained healthy friendships and relationships. I could smile in the midst of those angry moments. No longer did it defeat me or others.

My chastisement brought destruction, while God's chastisement brought healing. It's better to die to fleshy desires than to live by them.

THE RUN AND THE GIFT

When I first came to God I was gunho about being with him. But my mind and heart reverted to the natural immediately when I realized I had to give up so much of what I loved to do.

I'd run but God always found a way to lead me back to him. At first he'd bring me back by allowing the storms of life to rage, other times he'd show me his favor. I'd know that if it weren't for God certain things would not have happened.

Like Jonah, my running not only caused me to experience the storm, but others. It hurt to see others in pain and knowing it was my fault, I wanted to relieve them of their suffering by harming self. When God refused to let me harm myself, I realized he loved me and everyone around me. I was selfish and fearful of a change that was good for my health and nourishment to my bones.

When I stopped running, I received the most precious gift. The power of the Holy Ghost. Then I began to grow in him year after year. My life had not been the same since.

THE ANGRY WIFE & THE INSTRUCTIONS OF GOD

God said: Follow my instructions and you will surely have a good marriage.

I thought I would be good at following God's instructions until I began to feel like I was being mistreated. I totally forgot his instructions and began to handle things my own way. His instructions were simply put, but hard to carry out. I lifted my voice at my husband and yelled out every insulting word that I could think of. He yelled back: "GO AHEAD! GET IT ALL OUT, ANGRY WOMAN!" Getting even angrier, I began to shed tears and rage told me to hit him with something. Just as I was about to do it, my arm got stuck. It was as if God grabbed my arm and warned that if I do it, I would regret it. I put the object down and sat down in the chair feeling overwhelmed. My head was pounding, and my chest felt like bricks were laid on it. My husband sat beside me and tried talking to me, but I could not hear him because rage was still infiltrating my body. I felt right in what I had done because I was provoked to it. He deserved it, as he could never have a sensible conversation without finding a way to debate it. I hated debates as I was never trying to prove right, just trying to give the wisdom that God provided me. However, he never saw it that way, so I'd blow up. But God chastised me with a word of WISDOM:

PROVERBS 21:9, IT'S BETTER TO LIVE IN A CORNER OF A ROOF THAN IN A HOUSE SHARED WITH A CONTENTIOUS WOMAN.

My heart was broken at the statement from God. How could he be on my husband side? He provoked me to anger. I thought, but I did not have to engage in the manner I had engaged. Totally disrespectful and out of character. My husband would have been chastised had I followed the instructions of God, which were:

1 PETER 3:1 -2, LIKEWISE, WIVES BE SUBJECT TO YOUR OWN HUSBANDS, SO THAT EVEN IF THEY DON'T OBEY THE WORD, THEY MAY BE WON WITHOUT A WORD BY THE CONDUCT OF THEIR WIVES, WHEN THEY SEE  Y OUR RESPECTFUL AND PURE CONDUCT.

My behavior ripped my husband apart and his behavior ripped me apart, but God desired that I take it and not act out of his character. How relentless was that? I thought. But, when I kneeled down to pray to talk to God, he showed me visions of my error that hurt me as bad as I hurt myself and my husband. If I had just kept my mouth shut, and gave that anger to God, he would have calmed me and chastised my husband. My husband then would have been responsible for apologizing and affirming me. It would have been totally wrong to get the joy out of his chastisement and to make him feel even worse for apologizing and affirming. It would have been in my best interest to receive him and continue living before him as a woman of God. I learned my lesson that day and never returned to being that angry woman. ONLY THE INSTRUCTIONS OF GOD KEPT MY MARRIAGE TODAY!

DO YOURSELVES A FAVOR WIVES, STOP TRYING TO BE THE LEADER WHEN GOD HAS MADE YOU THE FOLLOWER OF YOUR HUSBAND. IT MAY BE PAINFUL TO TAKE MESS FROM YOUR HUSBAND, BUT TRUST GOD TO GIVE INSTRUCTIONS AND FOLLOW THEM. IT WORKS!

THE "I AM" & THE RAGE

There is a rage upon the earth that has no eyes. It beats upon the flesh until it pierces it. When it gets inside, It smells like the smoke of old burnt coals. It's no doubt that its next move is to infiltrate the persons of another as it germinates throughout the body.

Watch out oh Spirit man, Watch out oh holy one, rage has plagued the land and has broken free of your peace. The love that it has encountered is more satisfying than a hope that one day its heart will be set free of pain. It is satisfied that its devious intentions are no longer a thought, but a reality.

But wait! what is this rain that is at the seat of the soul, it's putting out the heat from the coals of rage. Why has thy soul stood in the way? Why can't the rage sit at the bottom and take control? "It is I, saith the Lord!" The Holy rain that washes and cleanses deep-rooted pain. The rain that protects the soul and denies the flesh of any domination.

Watch out oh rage, Watch out oh evil one! Love and peace have I empowered among the earth, that even though you slither subtly, and even though you can pierce the flesh, you are powerless where I reside. I AM THAT I AM!