I was confident. I knew God had my back. I fought with truth denying him every step of the way. Something just wasn't right. But he didn't stop! He kept coming and each time he deposited something inside me that drawed me closer to him. Still unsure, I thought I proclaimed my final "no."
Two weeks went by and then the phone calls started up again. My heart was saying yes and my mind agreed. I fell so hard that within two months I married him. He was not the same person I knew previously. He was more kind; more selfless; willing to hear me, walking with God, and apologetic.
Three months later, I left my home and walked through the doors of hell. The bed was defiled and unknowingly I slept in it. My heart was being plotted against, but I was so in love I didn't feel it. My ears could only hear the words from his mouth proclaiming Jesus name and often his actions backed it up.
Two months later the heat began to rise. I didnt understand clear enough to run. I consulted with God who made sure I remained calm. When I asked questions, he answered, which opened the door for the truth of what I walked into. It started to become clear.
Three months later the heat rose again. My ears burned with the noise of anothers voice, spilling information that confirmed my intuitions. In the latter part of that month, the devil rose up inside of me and spoke the most evilest things to him. He went at it with me for a while. Lightening bolts sparking from both while the devil was cackling. He calmed himself first and I continued my rage. I never revealed to him the true nature of my rage. There were some things he added on top of that; disrespectful decisions and conversations in which I was addressing instead.
Three months later while the heat never subsided, but got hotter in the atmosphere, I decided to fix me. All that he showed me and all that I had known, I could have easily expressed it and walked out. But no, I decided to fight the evil one head on to take back what he was stealing from me before my eyes.
Whenever he manipulated arguments I would try to respond emotionally and when he did not let me or he counteracted my argument with his own reasonings, I'd walk away to go pray. Angry, instead of praying the stress away, I wined to God but still turned to cigarettes for calming. I considered defeat over victory first handedly. A big mistake.
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