He encouraged the cigarettes and joining him in drinking almost nightly for a month. He was wicked and I saw it in his eyes. His body language shifted and his conversation changed. I was uncomfortable and even more emotional. Again, something wasn't right. What was he doing now? I eventually stopped as God met me in the garage puffing 1 of my last 7 cigarettes. He expressed his disapproval of me allowing the cigarettes to take his place. Feeling bad, I dumped the rest of the pack in the garbage.
I told him of the conversation between God and I. He didnt seem surprised, but he had nothing to say, which made things a bit awkward. I noticed that from the time of the evil outburst six months prior that things changed drastically and they never went back to the way they were before I moved there. The evil one forced a war in his members to fight against the God I serve with God's scriptures. I prepared myself as I heard it burst from his mouth. I studied and I engaged everytime only to be attacked as if I were wrong. He wanted me to feel bad about how I spoke the word to him. I refused, but let him know it wasn't about being right. It was by faith that every word spoken was direct from the knowledge of God.
That challenge ceased, so he found another way to break me. I threatened to leave him because I felt like a lonely roommate. He threatened if I leave, he would divorce me. I told him how selfish that was and he later agreed but refused to let me go. Not willing to let the devil win, I remained; praying and petitioning God to keep me silent about what I knew and to work with him. I got better at handling him. When the arguments rose up, I'd counteract it with prayer. The disrespect became insurmountable. It was evident that he no longer cared.
Finally, the secret I kept was told to him, except the fact that he defiled our bed before I moved in with him. He exclaimed it wasn't my business that he had a relationship, which was leading to marriage, with a woman who we ended our relationship about in the first marriage. I left him and went out of town for a few days. Frustrated that he didn't see the point of my argument.
I returned from my trip and immediately he accused me of cheating on him because I waited until the evening of the second day to inform him of my whereabouts. Feeling attacked I told him he should have felt that way; given the fact he made me feel that way with his disrespectful phone conversations and actions with other women. That only gave him more ammunition against me.
The heat was so hot it was almost unbareable; but I fought through it. He began asking if he could take advantage of me because that would be the only way he'd stay in the marriage. Curious, I asked what did that mean? He said to allow him to have his way and be wrong before I address anything. That is, if he allowed me. Knowing I was no longer able to leave because I was unemployed, I complied. He told me the car he gave me was no longer mine. The ring I bought for myself had to be replaced with the old ring that he had for someone else, but I wore it in the first marriage. I had to stay bald until he said I could grow my hair back. With that agreement he was content but it upset my insides.
I realized I made a deal with the devil so I consulted God and asked him to teach me agape love and humility. I knew how vicious my husband was and did not trust him. So, I needed to stay under the covering of God for protection. I was on my best behavior. I accepted that he was not interested in loving me or repairing our marriage. He wanted complete control, as without it, he was made vulnerable and he was not having that.
We went to a one day marriage counseling session in January, which favored him as I helped him look like the victim. He left happy and I left empty and miserable. I still loved him and hoped he would be shown his errors by God. He refused to accept what God was showing him because he didn't know I knew his secret of being with a woman while married to me.
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