IT'S TOO MUCH!

I was tired of trying and tired of being disappointed. I put everything into making things right. I payed attention to everything to make sure the right decisions were made, I had the right attitude, said the right things, and my body language was positive. What more could I do? Why was it taking so long for things to turn around in my favor?

I didn't understand what was happening. For a short while things went well and then the struggles and tug of war would return. I asked God what was happening? I had done all I could do. God said: "and let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9 ESV.

But I had enough of pressing forward and doing good and it appeared nothing was turning around for me. God said: "DO you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increased the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:28-29.

In other words, I had to stop operating in my own strength. I excluded God indirectly trying too hard to make things right in my own timing. I had to relax and lean on God. I prayed every time anxiety and impatience attacked. I waited for the Lord's instructions and when I didn't hear them, I waited longer. I had to regulate my mind to think on the things of God. Phillipians 4:8. With patience I waited. Psalms 27:14. Only by the strength of God's word did I wait with patience. Trusting him caused me to do leaps and bounds in several areas of my life, in his timing. I learned to walk in God's 💪 strength by faith and his power; not my own.

MY CHASTISEMENT versus GOD'S

It's easy to be provoked these days; and easy to justify the actions afterward. However, it is better to remain humble, than to act a plum fool just because the flesh desires it.

Coming from an angry childhood to an angry adulthood, I was always provoked and always retaliated with a vengeance. I forgave after I succumbed to the desire of my flesh. For then I felt as if I had power over whom I considered to be my enemy.

Not understanding that God was not pleased with that type of attitude or behaviour, I continued until the Lord allowed me to suffer greatly for entertaining anger. Anger caused me to lose friends, family and meaningful relationships. I couldn't see past my anger. It was cold, dark and lonely inside and outside of my body. I missed out on the blessings God had stored for me. He allowed me to see what was waiting for me and how I could have prospered.

Becoming even more angry and bitter, I shouted at God, while tears flowed heavily down my face. Why me Lord? They provoked me! I tried to run, but they came after me! The Lord said, "It is not that you get angry, but your actions." "I have spared your life and forgave you. I have been provoked to anger by you and I showed mercy toward you. How then are you better than they?"

I had never heard it that way before. With all the anger, I had shown no mercy. I forgave, but only after I returned the pain. Never did the pleasure of harming them bring any healing to my soul; but it fed my ego and built up my pride.

After eating the words of the Lord, I tried a new thing. It hurt not to unleash anger upon my enemies head, but as I consistently tamed my flesh, through the word of the Lord, my soul waxed happy. Henceforth, the provoking stopped and the enemy of my flesh was defeated. I then received many blessings from the Lord, my life was preserved and I obtained healthy friendships and relationships. I could smile in the midst of those angry moments. No longer did it defeat me or others.

My chastisement brought destruction, while God's chastisement brought healing. It's better to die to fleshy desires than to live by them.

THE RUN AND THE GIFT

When I first came to God I was gunho about being with him. But my mind and heart reverted to the natural immediately when I realized I had to give up so much of what I loved to do.

I'd run but God always found a way to lead me back to him. At first he'd bring me back by allowing the storms of life to rage, other times he'd show me his favor. I'd know that if it weren't for God certain things would not have happened.

Like Jonah, my running not only caused me to experience the storm, but others. It hurt to see others in pain and knowing it was my fault, I wanted to relieve them of their suffering by harming self. When God refused to let me harm myself, I realized he loved me and everyone around me. I was selfish and fearful of a change that was good for my health and nourishment to my bones.

When I stopped running, I received the most precious gift. The power of the Holy Ghost. Then I began to grow in him year after year. My life had not been the same since.

THE ANGRY WIFE & THE INSTRUCTIONS OF GOD

God said: Follow my instructions and you will surely have a good marriage.

I thought I would be good at following God's instructions until I began to feel like I was being mistreated. I totally forgot his instructions and began to handle things my own way. His instructions were simply put, but hard to carry out. I lifted my voice at my husband and yelled out every insulting word that I could think of. He yelled back: "GO AHEAD! GET IT ALL OUT, ANGRY WOMAN!" Getting even angrier, I began to shed tears and rage told me to hit him with something. Just as I was about to do it, my arm got stuck. It was as if God grabbed my arm and warned that if I do it, I would regret it. I put the object down and sat down in the chair feeling overwhelmed. My head was pounding, and my chest felt like bricks were laid on it. My husband sat beside me and tried talking to me, but I could not hear him because rage was still infiltrating my body. I felt right in what I had done because I was provoked to it. He deserved it, as he could never have a sensible conversation without finding a way to debate it. I hated debates as I was never trying to prove right, just trying to give the wisdom that God provided me. However, he never saw it that way, so I'd blow up. But God chastised me with a word of WISDOM:

PROVERBS 21:9, IT'S BETTER TO LIVE IN A CORNER OF A ROOF THAN IN A HOUSE SHARED WITH A CONTENTIOUS WOMAN.

My heart was broken at the statement from God. How could he be on my husband side? He provoked me to anger. I thought, but I did not have to engage in the manner I had engaged. Totally disrespectful and out of character. My husband would have been chastised had I followed the instructions of God, which were:

1 PETER 3:1 -2, LIKEWISE, WIVES BE SUBJECT TO YOUR OWN HUSBANDS, SO THAT EVEN IF THEY DON'T OBEY THE WORD, THEY MAY BE WON WITHOUT A WORD BY THE CONDUCT OF THEIR WIVES, WHEN THEY SEE  Y OUR RESPECTFUL AND PURE CONDUCT.

My behavior ripped my husband apart and his behavior ripped me apart, but God desired that I take it and not act out of his character. How relentless was that? I thought. But, when I kneeled down to pray to talk to God, he showed me visions of my error that hurt me as bad as I hurt myself and my husband. If I had just kept my mouth shut, and gave that anger to God, he would have calmed me and chastised my husband. My husband then would have been responsible for apologizing and affirming me. It would have been totally wrong to get the joy out of his chastisement and to make him feel even worse for apologizing and affirming. It would have been in my best interest to receive him and continue living before him as a woman of God. I learned my lesson that day and never returned to being that angry woman. ONLY THE INSTRUCTIONS OF GOD KEPT MY MARRIAGE TODAY!

DO YOURSELVES A FAVOR WIVES, STOP TRYING TO BE THE LEADER WHEN GOD HAS MADE YOU THE FOLLOWER OF YOUR HUSBAND. IT MAY BE PAINFUL TO TAKE MESS FROM YOUR HUSBAND, BUT TRUST GOD TO GIVE INSTRUCTIONS AND FOLLOW THEM. IT WORKS!

THE "I AM" & THE RAGE

There is a rage upon the earth that has no eyes. It beats upon the flesh until it pierces it. When it gets inside, It smells like the smoke of old burnt coals. It's no doubt that its next move is to infiltrate the persons of another as it germinates throughout the body.

Watch out oh Spirit man, Watch out oh holy one, rage has plagued the land and has broken free of your peace. The love that it has encountered is more satisfying than a hope that one day its heart will be set free of pain. It is satisfied that its devious intentions are no longer a thought, but a reality.

But wait! what is this rain that is at the seat of the soul, it's putting out the heat from the coals of rage. Why has thy soul stood in the way? Why can't the rage sit at the bottom and take control? "It is I, saith the Lord!" The Holy rain that washes and cleanses deep-rooted pain. The rain that protects the soul and denies the flesh of any domination.

Watch out oh rage, Watch out oh evil one! Love and peace have I empowered among the earth, that even though you slither subtly, and even though you can pierce the flesh, you are powerless where I reside. I AM THAT I AM!

Stop Fighting & Let God Fight

A fight without God, is a battle you will be defeated in, every time. But when you put on the armor of God, he is in battle either for you or with you. He will guide you and protect you at the same time; that is, in a battle that he has allowed. Others prayer for strength will be upon you, and God will defeat all of your enemies in ways you could not imagine. He may even send them your way to preach the gospel of truth to them and win their souls. That is the secret to fighting and winning!

TRUE STORY

I've always been a fighter. Never been afraid of how big or how tough a person was. I believed in myself. I knew secrets of how to take a person down. I never took my eyes off of them, even after I had been punched. I knew if I did, I would be defeated. However, after a while I didnt feel so confident. Not because I lost faith in myself, but because it didnt feel right to hurt people like that. After I'd calm myself from rage and hatred, and had won the battle, I felt bad as I watched how bad my brother or sister was feeling from defeat. Even though they were the one who provoked it, and afterward, some still mouthed off in anger toward me, I didnt desire to fight anymore.

Later in life I found God, and he met me where I was. It was then that I understood why I felt bad for fighting my brothers and sisters. I learned to fight a different way. It took a long time for me to accept God's way, but it was worth it. When I stopped fighting with my hands, I battled with my mouth and attitude; along with unforgiveness. God rebuked that spirit by showing me either way I would no longer win. Through praying and following the commandments of God, I lost every self-battle. Even if I was in the right and should have won.

RETALIATION

RETALIATION

John 18:1-10

Like Peter, you want to protect yourselves and those whom you love 💘. However, the best protection is leaving things that hurt you in the hands of God. The bible says in Matthew 10:28 not to be afraid of those who could kill the body as they can not kill the soul. Therefore, to use the energy to retaliate against someone to appease your appetite is useless.

God will allow your flesh and your soul no rest as you are not authorized to take a life. That means do not force condemnation, depression, fear, etc. to your enemies or you will self-inflict yourselves.

Its hard not to be vengeful in such a state of pain because your heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who could know it. Jeremiah 17:9. It's full of James 4:1-4, wars and fightings. The flesh doesn't STOP until it gets what it wants; by any means necessary. God is aware and he is against it.

If you want help in turning away from the pain and thoughts of retaliation, let God give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. LET IT GO AND GIVE IT TO GOD FOR HE SAYS ALSO:

Deuteronomy 32:35, It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them. & Romans 12:17-19, Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "it is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.