As a woman who has come from a dysfunctional family growing up, I thought I would be a statistic. I tried so hard to recognize my anger, frustrations, and bitterness, so I would not get caught up in the system. I guess I did well, because I have never been arrested. I most certainly can not take the credit for it, as I know God had a big hand in keeping me. I went through so much in my time of growth that I thought I would get caught up in drugs, alcohol, immorality, homosexuality, and any crime you could imagine. I had no fear, I felt no guilt, just numb. I should have probably been killed or raped; as I use to walk the streets in the middle of the night when my anger got the best of me. I was ready to wreak havoc on anyone that jumped out at me professing to be tough. I believed I could take them on; that is, if they had no weapon.
I drank alcohol, and smoked marijuana often. I partied like a rock-star; while raising 3 small children alone. Approximately 8 years tops, in the streets with no care of life. I didn't pay my bills appropriately, my credit was a mess; I jumped from job to job, almost dependent upon state benefits, experienced 2 evictions, and 2 accounts in the shelter with my children. I had a low self esteem, no respect for myself, an certainly didn't love myself. I dated men who loved domestic violence, and smoked cigarettes to calm depression and stress. I dressed sexy, but did not want anyone to treat me like a whore or slut. I had no clue I was promoting my body, nor did I realize my attitude and the way I carried myself screamed TROUBLE~
I can remember the day I got tired of all the hype, confusion, and disrespect. I wanted to be a lady. The desire for change was very strong and I had no mentor, or anyone to encourage me to do better. I couldn't trust that anyone would help me without wanting something in return, or if they would help me without judging me. Out of no where, my mother called to let me know an old girlfriend from High School called. It was a friend whom I had a strong bond with, and could trust with all my secrets. My mom number was the same for several years; I was 27 years old when that call had come through. Long story short, the friend was saved and filled with the Holy Ghost and she led me down a path I had never been before. Don't get me wrong, when I was very young, I went to church with my grandmother; Baptist that is. I just never seemed to understand why I was there.
Within that same year; at age 27, I found myself making choices I had never made before. I stepped into my friends church and never walked out. I learned about who God was, and why we should serve him. I learned what Godly characteristics were, and why it was important to love and forgive self and others. I stopped going out drastically, drinking and the desire to drink stopped, smoking stopped; my attire changed, the way I raised my children changed. I received the power of the Holy Ghost one year later, March 15, 1998 to be exact. I saw a change not only within myself, but, within my children as well. People I use to hang with left my side. I felt lonely, but happy that I had finally changed!
Moral of the story is; God is the only way to true change, He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). God knows us better than we know ourselves (Romans 8:27-37); when he called, I answered. I could feel him tugging at my soul, I gave in to him, and embraced his love that were all over me....so overwhelming. I was immediately baptized, and from then on, I have been a servant. You too can make a change. Over the years, I have done nothing but excel in my walk with him. Its been a hard walk but I am in it to win it! Try Jesus for yourselves.
Changed woman
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